Pap Smear FREE!

Assalamualaikum

Special to all ladies in Malaysia~ LPPKN tengah buat offer ujian pap smear for free sampai 30 November ni~Tak silap kalau harg biasa around RM 180 jugak...hiksss

Memang doc pun dah suruh buat pap smear ni sebab last buat...emm..emm..2015 kot..haha

Yessss I'm gonna make an appointment later on..huk3..

Babbling

Now that I know my problem and waiting to see the specialist to discuss options and get on with it..

But dealing with govt hospital is no joke in term of waiting time.

In addition to that, my AF is still not going smooth. No heavy flow but only Smudge on pantyliners all the way through until now (day 24) that make me curious what happen inside there.

Whenever I see preggos around me, jealousy hits me. But then I remind myself that my condition is rare and special and PCOS can be treated. I can forgive myself because I wasn't asked to be born like this. God knows His reasons behind it.

But my heart still aching. And people around me assume that I'm simply taking my own time. When they want to give me "advice" just simply

"oh enjoy your time now"
"oh muda lagi"
"oh baru 4 tahun kawen..awal lagi...ada yang lagi lama tunggu.."

I mean...
Do you think by "enjoying our time" we just laughing around...go on vacation as we wish..keluar malam macam bujang..?

Do you think going to 30 is young?? While researches discovered that at age 30 and above, your fertility rates starts to decline...?

Yalah baru 4 tahun...my own sister also wait for 10 years...
But again...if i were married at age 19, i do not mind lah...

Just feelin really upset lately...2 nights in a row I dried before fallen asleep. Even to my husband i cannot express my feelings. I don't want him to get tired of me feeling like this...

Entah..mungkin terlalu sangat melayan perasaan kot. I admit it does get my stress level a little bit up.
I simply cannot be left alone....nanti mesti termenung.

Now school is on holiday, thank God i need to work and work my mind on something else. With school holiday program..have some kids for me to yell to (hahaha)

And I admit, spending lots of time online is soooo not good.
Pregnancies announcement....births announcement...my friends uploading their babies pictures...it all flooding on my timeline. And I easily get depressed.

arghhh enough babbling. Selagi tak start treatment betul-betul...I really got nothing to tell.

Double Double

Dah nama blog Double Line Dreamer

Turn out...I have Double uterus...haha

*is it a laughing matter? saje je just recognize the ironic moment. lol*

mana tahu rezeki nanti pun de-double jugak?

wow..

Ameeeennn~

#randomthought

Uterine Didelphys

Assalamualaikum

So a week after the HSG test, wasmy appointment kat klinik O&G tu..Walaupun dah tahu keadaan blockage kat tube kanan, so expecting to discuss la apa options yang boleh buat kan.

Turn outtttt different thing was discovered!

Doc buat inside scan dan vaginal exam, then he said that "oh u seems to have 2 uteruses!" And my mind say "what?!"

Then ada 2nd doc, doc perempuan pulak..dia pun buat VE jugak sebab dia kata "bukan selalu jumpa ni.." and yes, she confirm it. Not just 2 uteruses, but with 2 vaginas too! (oh i do not know how they can tell by just inserting 2 fingers tu..)

Then the Doc tell us, that what is my condition is call "Uterine Didelphys". He draw it and it seems that I have 2 uteruses, 2 vaginas and 1 tube connected to each ovaries at each side. Kira 1 uterus, 1 tube dan ovary kiri kanan.

mine is like the left one....

Yeah, previously Doc dulu ada bagitahu i was suspected with it, that's why he wants me to do the HSG. But i do not expect that IT IS REAL!

So the doc tell us, maybe with this condition, my best option to get pregnant is by IUI or IVF...huuu..sigh sekejap mengenangkan kos IVF tu..and now, from last HSG told us that my left tube is clear while right is block, so MAYBE masa buat tu HSG catheter was manage to go to my left uterus, tak masuk ke kanan..thats why the dye only shows left side.

AND NOWWW....doc said i need to o HSG againnn!!!! This time try to go to the right side to know what is the condition of the right tube. And from there, then can we start hormones injections, follicle tracking etc etc etc...

And the Doc tell us that my condition is not abnormal, not an illness or cacat..but it is a RARE condition. Maybe 1 in hundreds can be found.

Since then macam blurr kejap...I can't blame myself since it is not my fault, i was born with it..Allah made me this way. But the desire to get pregnant is too high and now knowing that i actually by hook by crook need an intervention for it which will take timeeeeeeee God knows how long..........

Dr.Wan said I kaya by having 2..hahaha...I'm special i guess............


Cuma mampu memohon petunjuk Allah, hikmah aku di jadikan begini...hikmah DIA mencipta ku keadaan ini...hikmah..hikmah...hikmah yang tersembunyi..hikmah yang baik..harap ia tidak menyulitkan, malah membawa kebaikan pada kami...

HSG Test yang pftttttt

20/7/2017
Alhamdulillah...setelah sebulan berpuasa penuh..datang jugak menses..then terus guna cycle ni untuk set date HSG test sebab cycle ni makan ubat jugak so yakin sikit.

HSG test ni doc dah suruh buat dari awal tahun lagi. Dah pegang borang tu berbulan. Tapi 1st time call dulu, dikatanya mesin rosak lah....ape lah...so x dapat buat.

Then cycle2 seterusnya huru-hara..panjang lebih 15 hari masih ada spotting..lab bagitau tak boleh buat kalau belum bersih betul....cancel lagi..

Cycle2 lepas tu still x betul..maybe sebab yakin bila under Duphaston and Clomid tu cycle jadi cantik..bila tak ambil tu yang entah apa2..so nak plan HSG still tak susah.

Before puasa jumpa lagi doc kat klinik and dapat Duphaston and Clomid lagi utk 2 cycles. Stop Duphaston masa puasa sebab kalau menses dalam bulan puasa, nanti dah bersih still x dapat buat sebab masih puasa kan..

Alhamdulillah dapat puasa penuh (sebab stop ubat kot..haha)..sampai curious2 sendiri..eh, pregnant ke..

Sempat laa buat jugak UPT tapi hmm..layan la kecewa sendiri..just nak penjelasan je (sedapkan hati...huhu)

Dan pagi nak buat HSG tu, siap2 jugak buat UPT jugak..just in case..emm..nan ado juga..so tenang2 je la pegi hosp tu..

TAAPIIII....

Arrghhh..memang traumaaaaaa laaa buat HSG nii...
Doc tu entah berapa kali entah dia masukkan mulut itik tu nak bukak cervic...
Sambil baring tu..kejap dengar doc arah assistant dia "try size L"...lepas tu size M..lepas tu S pulak...
Senakkkk tiap kali dia masuk...sekali dah macam tak tahan, tiba2 alat dia pegang tu macam ada tercucuk tepi2 tu (alhamdulillah bukan kat dalam) terus terjerit sikit...pastu ternangis pulak..

Huwaaa..stress! dah lah dikatanya tak nampak2 rahim...asyik masuk keluar sampai stress..husband pulak kat luar tak boleh masuk teman..memang termenangis..

Lepas tu lama2 ok..dia boleh masuk catheter tu..then masa dia masukkan fluid dalam rahim, terussss sakit macam senggugut serang..aduihhhhh laaaa..

Lepas habis tu, bila doc suruh bangun, pakai pad and pakai balik kain..nak jalan tu rasa pitaaaam je sebab tahan sakit..tengok muka sendiri kat cermin pun pucat..brain rasa sejukkk kebas..jalan memang kena bongkok skit sebab sakit perut tu...macam nak muntah pun ada..menggigil2 badan..

Terus ambil MC

Adui laa..balik pun tak senang nak tidur sebab sakit..belakang pun sakit..buat hari Khamis..sampai sabtu jugak sakitnya..dah la sakit2 senggugut teruk, kena solat la jugak kan...kalau senggugut menses, boleh la baring2 tak payah pikir solat..seharian tu solat duduk bawah je..dah sujud, nak bangun balik berdiri memang goyang..

Memang trauma betul. Mintak simpang laa kalau lepas2 ni in da future doc suruh buat lagi....kecuali kalau betul2 penting let say...emm...lepas dapat anak 1st then nak 2nd pulak ke..kalau terpaksa..jalan je laaaa...

So the result?

Result awal doc yang buat HSG tu cakap tiub belah kiri ok..tapi tiub kanan yang ada blockage..:(

Though sekurang-kurangnya dah tahu punca dan boleh la plan options of next steps..............

So next appointment seminggu lepas HSG, baru nanti discuss result on paper and maybe the options that we have..

Mohon doa yang baik2..

Luasnya Rezeki dari Allah

Assalamualaikum,

Let me take my time writing in this blog~ Hahahah

Alhamdulillah..
Alhamdulillah..

Sungguh Allah tu memang Maha Luas dan Maha Pemurah..
Memang tugas kita untuk berusaha..
Berdoa..
Allah tu Maha Mendengar..

Nak ceritanya...Baru je balik dari Sales Gallery Johorland tadi...
Urusan hantar document dan pilih lot rumah..

ALHAMDULILLAH!! I really cannot help myself!
Everything seems tooo fast..
Baru Khamis lepas..Johorland call hubs suruh datang collect offer letter beli rumah kat sales gallery
Gilerrr punya berdebar seyhh...

So kiranya dengan offer letter tu, kami layak beli rumah pangsapuri Johorland dekat dengan Bandar Dato Onn Jb ni...
Cuma tinggal urusan apply loan dan semua kaitan kewangan...

Tapi bila dah dapat pilih lot tadi...subhanallah..everything seems unreal..
Betul ke pilih lot ni...pilih lokasi rumah sendiri ni nanti?!

Hehe..

Rumah ni memang dah lamaaaa sangat aim...
Before apply dulu, memang perasan pangsapuri ni, menarik...
Lokasi cantekkk...BDO ni memang in 3 years most probably sangat maju..
Depan2 ada AEON (tapi belum bukak)..
Belakang AEON ada masjid besarrrr....
Tak sampai 2km ada KPJ tengan bina...

Adududu....then around last year ada pergi pameran rumah2 murah Johor..
Nampak booth Johorland ni..
Tanya punya tanya...
Nak tahu harganya....

99k je! siap subsidi 30k dr govt~
(Kalau jutawan boleh bayar casssshhh 10 unit terusss)
Terus hubs apply online...
Tapi dulu cuba apply je...nak mengharap tinggi tak berani..
Sebab murah, we expect mesti cepat penuh..

Aku pulak, since early this year, ada buat transport budak dari tadika..
Dan memang hari2 akan lalu depan pangsapuri ni...pegi balik...4x sehari..
Tiap kali lalu depan, aku doa...
Doa Allah lapangkan rezeki
Doa Allah permudahkan urusan..
Doa semoga ini yang terbaik buat kami untuk waktu ni...

Alhamdulillah...cuma one step left...
Semoga loan mudah lulusssss
Ameeenn!!

Mungkin terbaiknya kami sediakan rumah sendiri untuk keluarga kecil kami..
Sebelum ahli bertambah..Usaha TTC masih diteruskan...
Latest hari tu pergi klinik swasta...
Request for clomid and duphaston lagi to regulate my period..
Alhamdulillah 1st dose ni period went well..
Banyak keluar, puas hari...and insyaAllah today is the 8th day...
Tapi dah nak puasa ni, macam tak sempat nak proceed HSG...

Emm.....

Alhamdulillah!

So sooonnn~...Tooo sooonn....

It's been a while..
Yeahh...
It's been a while...

Been soooo busy...
And sooo lazy....
Hahaha..

Of course so many things happened
My brother in law (lil bro of my hubs) got married
So i got a biras now..

Don't really wanna talk about their *loan here and there* wedding ceremony
Pandai-pandai laaaa hidup nak menanggung ya..
Itu yang kau cari..
Itu yang dia mintak..
Itu yang kau terima..
Itu lah yang kau hadap..
Tapi bagus dah tak ambil bank loan..
Tapi loan ni datang dengan kos jugak..
Kos menjaga hati..
Pandai-pandai la ye jaga hati orang-orang tu ya..
Jangan lupa bayor daahh..
*and asalkan tak mintak hutang dengan iolls laki bini*
kah!

But what brought me to write today..
Hem hemmm..

Well it's barely a month though...
And my worst nightmare is here..

Well I somehow keep imagining it before..
Thinking bout it..
Because I was thinking how will i react..
How should I react..
What will I do..
What feelings will surround me...

But they give me no time...(well..who am I to pertikai when and why la kaaan..)
But I never thought this soon
So soon...
Too soon...

Don't they feel it?
Don't they think the same thing..??

Well the good news is..
Finally my MIL and FIL finally will have a grandchild...

So..i guess..

Congratulations to my in laws lah..
For expecting their bundle of joy

yeaaaaayyyy..
jooyyyyy...

Well of course I'm not lying to myself..
I just have to put a good face on it..

Yeaaaaaaaayyy
Jooooyyy~