Babbling

Now that I know my problem and waiting to see the specialist to discuss options and get on with it..

But dealing with govt hospital is no joke in term of waiting time.

In addition to that, my AF is still not going smooth. No heavy flow but only Smudge on pantyliners all the way through until now (day 24) that make me curious what happen inside there.

Whenever I see preggos around me, jealousy hits me. But then I remind myself that my condition is rare and special and PCOS can be treated. I can forgive myself because I wasn't asked to be born like this. God knows His reasons behind it.

But my heart still aching. And people around me assume that I'm simply taking my own time. When they want to give me "advice" just simply

"oh enjoy your time now"
"oh muda lagi"
"oh baru 4 tahun kawen..awal lagi...ada yang lagi lama tunggu.."

I mean...
Do you think by "enjoying our time" we just laughing around...go on vacation as we wish..keluar malam macam bujang..?

Do you think going to 30 is young?? While researches discovered that at age 30 and above, your fertility rates starts to decline...?

Yalah baru 4 tahun...my own sister also wait for 10 years...
But again...if i were married at age 19, i do not mind lah...

Just feelin really upset lately...2 nights in a row I dried before fallen asleep. Even to my husband i cannot express my feelings. I don't want him to get tired of me feeling like this...

Entah..mungkin terlalu sangat melayan perasaan kot. I admit it does get my stress level a little bit up.
I simply cannot be left alone....nanti mesti termenung.

Now school is on holiday, thank God i need to work and work my mind on something else. With school holiday program..have some kids for me to yell to (hahaha)

And I admit, spending lots of time online is soooo not good.
Pregnancies announcement....births announcement...my friends uploading their babies pictures...it all flooding on my timeline. And I easily get depressed.

arghhh enough babbling. Selagi tak start treatment betul-betul...I really got nothing to tell.