Dan Majesky Ep 4 - husband do have feelings....

So lets us continue to read the honest yet painful story by Dan Majesky. I was so touch when the first time i read it, that it become so close to it and sooo emotional. Not saying that I also went through the same story like him and his wife, I just found that I understand the feeling, and I do not want to lose the connection of feelings towards it. Because it teaches me how to be strong but at the same time, it is ok to have some breakdowns, even for a husband.

And to remember that, the husbands also feel the same as us the wives. And it is truly grateful to read it from the heart of a man, so I will try to connect with my husband emotionally, and understand that if I feel sad, he is even sadder and if I feel happy..he will be double happier than me.
Because good husband do become like that. So let us appreciate the feelings of the husband..:)

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"And then you freak out because, to be honest... 

"...you talked yourself out of real hope months and months ago, but now you have to get ready for a baby.

"Some weeks later, you go in for an ultrasound, and there it is. I mean, yeah, it’s a tadpole with a giant head. There’s its brain, and there’s its heart fluttering away, and it’s so real.

"And you relax.

"We’re in our late thirties, which means that the chances are higher than average that a pregnancy won’t be viable, or there will be a chromosomal abnormality, or something along those lines. We spent a lot of time tiptoeing around that idea, but we talked about it. And about not getting too excited. You know, the higher you let your hopes up, the further they have to fall.

"But they told us to relax. Everything looked great and we were on track, so when we went in for one final scan before being released to our obstetrician a couple weeks later, we were all smiles and jokes.

"'I’m so sorry. I can’t find the heartbeat.'

"And then you’re not pregnant.

"I’ve felt time stop before. Car accidents, falling off a fence, a mountain bike jump gone wrong. I have not felt the vertigo of infinity like when we were told our baby was dead.

"I’m logical. I understand science and biology. I know it was a fetus, not a baby. But it was my baby. In my head, in my heart, I could already imagine being old as it grew into an adult and had its own children, and – woosh – it was all gone.

"As I write this, the due date is a little over a week away, like a car accident on the road ahead that you’re trying not to look at, that you have to drive by.

"The world isn’t going to stop. We all get up and go to work. Because it happens. People lose babies all the time.

"Miscarriage.

"But no one talks about it. No one gets on Facebook and tells their friends. It’s specifically why you wait to tell anyone.

"But then you have no one to tell. When a family member dies, you can share your grief. With a miscarriage, you would have to tell people that someone who will never be born, who they had never heard of and will never meet, but who meant the world to you, is gone. And you don’t have the strength to get into it. You tell your parents, maybe a close friend, maybe your boss.

"I was so stunned when it happened that I texted my boss that I wouldn’t be back that day, but that I’d be back the next, which really cracks me up now. I didn’t even get how I was about to be affected.

"Leah was scheduled for a D&C, dilation and curettage...

"...under general anesthesia at Christ Hospital right away, so she wouldn’t have to go through the trauma of slowly passing the fetal tissue over the course of a week. It wasn’t until they took her back that I let myself break down. Alone with my worst thoughts and the sour coffee of the waiting room for several hours. God, I have no idea how long. One more forever.

"The people at the hospital were excellent. We got a lot of information about support groups that we never went to, but we should have. We just wanted to hide.

"I’m thankful for our families and our friends, who came to sit with us. Who brought Lea the things she needed, and let me get out of the house to walk around the neighborhood. I must have looked like a zombie."