New title ~

So, following up the particular post about my-nightmare (can read it here)...

So obviously after 9 months..

My parents in laws are welcoming their first grandchild..

My brother in law's wife manage to gave birth to their baby girl..

So now me and hubsy officially a maklong and paklong..(my hubsy is the eldest son of 3)

yippy h.a.h.a yippyy..

new title..

but not the one I'm craving for

but i want her to call me aunty...not maklong haha

yeay for me.....

Happy? yeah i'm happy for my parents in law..Ibu seems so happy and anxious..

Repeating saying (in malay of course) she is nervouse..this is her first time holding a baby..after 24 years.. (as if after her youngest son laahh) bla bla blaaa~

Though Abah didn't show his eagerness when we went to visit them recently..

(i have the feelings that he just control it in front of me.....)

When Ibu asked us to join them to visit the baby, there is not joy and enthusiast in my heart.

Like, seriously.

The night my brother in law inform us his wife was warded and waiting to labor..I was alone at home that time..and I was crying hard.....hard.....hard....

I even whatsapp my hubs who was in the usrah, "am i a bad person for being sad.." because I was...and still am..

He just manage to reply "sabar..be patient"..I know no word can come out from his mouth. His heart also sank. But he is a good person. Still can brush off the sadness...

The next day, I was at school, my brother in law sent us the baby picture...I just took a glance...

Then...

I went into the school store.....sit there...alone..and i cried some more...

In the school store! how pathetic i am..that's what i thought of myself before i desperately stop crying..

So when we went to visit, I was determine not to show any feelings..either sad or happy..I was just being plain..

Just talk with Abah..eat some of the food offered..watch TV while talk with hubs..reluctantly to take picture together...and we're off.

No intention and feeling to hold the baby, not even touch her.

I don't know. I know it was obvious. But I just let it be. I was calming my self. Protecting my self.

And i'm good at it.

I need time. Not now. In addition i need to control my stress. I was preparing for IUI follow up the next week. I cannot stress. And the way i can do and know how to do, is being plain.

Still no intention for 2nd visit. Just wait for them to return to my parents in law's house. As for now they are at his wife's parents house. Then we will see how i treat her.

I'll post my journey for IUI next. (though it did not happen anyway...huhu)

I miss my own nieces and nephews at KL. They are my love. I might going to be bias. I know that there will be a possibilities at certain aspects. Such as buying gifts..my main post at IG..selfies..haha

But...
as long as I did not hate the new baby...I'm good. haha