TTC January 2018

So here it goes...

My period came on 7 January. Mula2 takut jugak keluar sikittt je macam masa december..tak memberansangkan langsung nak buat apa2. Tapi sebab dah janji nak konsisten Duphaston and doa,
Alhamdulillah period kali ni macam smooth and bagus sekali. Haha. Tak terlalu banyak dan lamaaa macam bulan Oktober lepas sampai tragedi berdarah masa ihtifal sekolah. Isk.

2nd day buat tvs. Nothing much. dah la lama gila tunggu, jumpa 10 minit je. Balik hospital pulak kena saman (haha) memang meningkatkan stressss..Doc bagi Clomid 50mg then suruh datang on CD10

CD9: period dah stop. Suka pulak kali ni sebab tak overrrr. Senggugut jugak cycle ni. Maybe sebab makan Clomid setelah setengah tahun lebih kot tak makan...

CD10: appointment doc, dtg dgn husband. Visit kali ni la yang macam memberansangkan sikit. Tunggu tapi jumpa doc tu macam lama sikit so tak la masa terbuang sangat.
Doc buat tvs, tapi al-nasib, doc kata follicles yang nampak kecik dari minimum required size. 1.1 je instead of 1.6 yg diperlukan. Dia kata, kalau jumpa 1 je yang cukup size, bulat cantik pun dah happy dah.
Dapat jugak dia rujuk sorang specialist ni. Bincang2 then dia pun kata, just naikkan dose Clomid and come back next cycle :(

Sebab dia kata, follicles kecik, so tak dapat pun nak buat follicle trackking yang cucuk2 sendiri bagai tu. And I need to have follicles yang besar from my left ovary, since (thanks to Uterine didelphys) my left womb yang lebih besar dari kanan yang kecik and macam crooked. So if buat IUI kat kanan, telur maybe jadi tapi tak dapat tahan lama and akan jatuh :(

So berdoa sangat, next cycle follicles cukup besar by CD10 and ovary kiri yang keluarkan telur. Too specific kan? but that what i have to endure and I hope Allah perkenankan...Ameen!

So we see next cycle macam mana. InsyaAllah adalah kemajuan sikit banding tahun lepas yang masih stuck kat regularkan period. Tahun ni still kena work on that but I hope my period is finally regular. Tolongla!!

Ya Allah, izinkan lah aku untuk hamil tahun ini. Ameen.

New title ~

So, following up the particular post about my-nightmare (can read it here)...

So obviously after 9 months..

My parents in laws are welcoming their first grandchild..

My brother in law's wife manage to gave birth to their baby girl..

So now me and hubsy officially a maklong and paklong..(my hubsy is the eldest son of 3)

yippy h.a.h.a yippyy..

new title..

but not the one I'm craving for

but i want her to call me aunty...not maklong haha

yeay for me.....

Happy? yeah i'm happy for my parents in law..Ibu seems so happy and anxious..

Repeating saying (in malay of course) she is nervouse..this is her first time holding a baby..after 24 years.. (as if after her youngest son laahh) bla bla blaaa~

Though Abah didn't show his eagerness when we went to visit them recently..

(i have the feelings that he just control it in front of me.....)

When Ibu asked us to join them to visit the baby, there is not joy and enthusiast in my heart.

Like, seriously.

The night my brother in law inform us his wife was warded and waiting to labor..I was alone at home that time..and I was crying hard.....hard.....hard....

I even whatsapp my hubs who was in the usrah, "am i a bad person for being sad.." because I was...and still am..

He just manage to reply "sabar..be patient"..I know no word can come out from his mouth. His heart also sank. But he is a good person. Still can brush off the sadness...

The next day, I was at school, my brother in law sent us the baby picture...I just took a glance...

Then...

I went into the school store.....sit there...alone..and i cried some more...

In the school store! how pathetic i am..that's what i thought of myself before i desperately stop crying..

So when we went to visit, I was determine not to show any feelings..either sad or happy..I was just being plain..

Just talk with Abah..eat some of the food offered..watch TV while talk with hubs..reluctantly to take picture together...and we're off.

No intention and feeling to hold the baby, not even touch her.

I don't know. I know it was obvious. But I just let it be. I was calming my self. Protecting my self.

And i'm good at it.

I need time. Not now. In addition i need to control my stress. I was preparing for IUI follow up the next week. I cannot stress. And the way i can do and know how to do, is being plain.

Still no intention for 2nd visit. Just wait for them to return to my parents in law's house. As for now they are at his wife's parents house. Then we will see how i treat her.

I'll post my journey for IUI next. (though it did not happen anyway...huhu)

I miss my own nieces and nephews at KL. They are my love. I might going to be bias. I know that there will be a possibilities at certain aspects. Such as buying gifts..my main post at IG..selfies..haha

But...
as long as I did not hate the new baby...I'm good. haha

Hello 2018!

Assalamualaikum!

Serious laa tak update dari September? *sigh*

Happy new year my dear blog and fellow TTC-ian!

New year..
New hope..
New dream...

Well no, still the same dream and hope..

But new spirit i guess!

Latest update since last progress which was HSG on July..after the we knew I have uterine didelphys..

I went to 2nd HSG on 29 November 2017 at Gleneagles Nusajaya. Woow!! Glen seyhhh...haha
Ni semua punca mesin kat HSA tu rosak katanya, so diorang refer ke Gleneagles. Banyak kisah HSA nih yang buat menyampah...

Mesin rosak dah nak dekat seminggu lebih masa tu...tak ada duit gamaknya nak baiki. Dengan tolak sana tolak sini...Tapi Alhamdulillah lah merasa rezeki buat kat Gleneagles hahaha!

Buat kat Gleneagles best! Private kan...masuk2 je terus receptionist dia datang sambut..cewah..hotel pun tak sambut gini..siap bawak ke dept imaging..

Tunggu kat dalam tak de la lama sangat..HSA pun sehari boleh refer 2 patient je ke Glen..masa datang dah siap2 bawak air minum, ubat tahan sakit beli masa lepas HSG 1st dulu...and air panas dalam beg nak tuam perut lepas HSG...terkenang sangat sakitnya perut lepas HSG kat HSA tu...2-3 hari senggugut..sakit pinggang bagai...so this time, I'm well prepared! haha

Then masuk dalam lab, dekat sejam jugak kat dalam tuh! mula2 doc dept imaging tu try nak masuk dalam miss v, cari cervic kanan...tapi dia kata tak dapat....tak dapat..kecik..tinggi..macam2..last2 diorang panggil specialist dari O&G terus!

Datang pulak doc lelaki! aduiii...sabo je la..bertahan and pasrah for medical purposes..i cannot complain much..dapat buat free pun Alhamdulillah...wallahu'alam laaa harga asal berapa kat Gleneagles ni..

then dia cuba cuba cuba..dekat 3-4 kali jugak kot (hai laaa rahim kanan ni mana nyaaaa) akhirnya dapat jugak masuk dye tu....and I was sooo ready nak rasa senggugut tu....................................


tapi takde pun! Alhamdulillah...tau2 doc kata "ok done!" and i was like...oh ok! dapat tgk kat skrin xray tu...tapi takde la paham mana..cuma macam paham, tube kanan tak block (Alhamdulillah!!) but my right womb is small..tu pasal payah masuk wayar tu..tukar baju semua then keluar....lenggang2 takde sakit...senyum2 pulak masa tu. haha

Husband mesti da tunggu lama..apa laaaa bini buat kat dalam lab tuh..tapi nak tunggu dia release report and film xray tu ya kareem....berjanggut tunggu!

Sempat jalan2 dalam Gleneagles tu kejap sebab dah boring tunggu lama..jalan jalan sekali jumpa sign "IVF Centre"....wow! ada IVF centre sini...emm..emmm..menarik...tapi tak nak fikir berapa la kos dia gamaknya...seram!

Lepas dapat report, kena ke HSA pulak hantar film xray dan report tu...kat HSA sekali lagi drama sebab diorang tak bagi MC dgn alasan buat kat Gleneagles, sana yang patut bagi.....ehhh..kau yang hantar aku di sana, arah aku g sana...taknak pulak bg MC..haih...(tapi masa sampai lab dah tanya nurse, nak MC...dorang kata dorang tak boleh keluarkan...maybe my mistake was tak tanya doc, tanya nurse je..)..mana orang tak komplen gomen people ni...SOP entah ke mana...cakap nak kasar je..doctors ok, tapi lab2 assistant nih...grrrr...

So itu jelah pengalaman pegi Gleneagles..mana nak merasa lagi ke sana lepas ni unless apa2 lagi HSA tu rosak, and refer kita ke sana balik..haha..tak pun kau main kutu 500 sebulan sekali segedebuk dapat duit....dapat laaah...lol

follow up appointment punya story later lah.. panjang dah ni..


daaaa~~