Babbling

Now that I know my problem and waiting to see the specialist to discuss options and get on with it..

But dealing with govt hospital is no joke in term of waiting time.

In addition to that, my AF is still not going smooth. No heavy flow but only Smudge on pantyliners all the way through until now (day 24) that make me curious what happen inside there.

Whenever I see preggos around me, jealousy hits me. But then I remind myself that my condition is rare and special and PCOS can be treated. I can forgive myself because I wasn't asked to be born like this. God knows His reasons behind it.

But my heart still aching. And people around me assume that I'm simply taking my own time. When they want to give me "advice" just simply

"oh enjoy your time now"
"oh muda lagi"
"oh baru 4 tahun kawen..awal lagi...ada yang lagi lama tunggu.."

I mean...
Do you think by "enjoying our time" we just laughing around...go on vacation as we wish..keluar malam macam bujang..?

Do you think going to 30 is young?? While researches discovered that at age 30 and above, your fertility rates starts to decline...?

Yalah baru 4 tahun...my own sister also wait for 10 years...
But again...if i were married at age 19, i do not mind lah...

Just feelin really upset lately...2 nights in a row I dried before fallen asleep. Even to my husband i cannot express my feelings. I don't want him to get tired of me feeling like this...

Entah..mungkin terlalu sangat melayan perasaan kot. I admit it does get my stress level a little bit up.
I simply cannot be left alone....nanti mesti termenung.

Now school is on holiday, thank God i need to work and work my mind on something else. With school holiday program..have some kids for me to yell to (hahaha)

And I admit, spending lots of time online is soooo not good.
Pregnancies announcement....births announcement...my friends uploading their babies pictures...it all flooding on my timeline. And I easily get depressed.

arghhh enough babbling. Selagi tak start treatment betul-betul...I really got nothing to tell.

Double Double

Dah nama blog Double Line Dreamer

Turn out...I have Double uterus...haha

*is it a laughing matter? saje je just recognize the ironic moment. lol*

mana tahu rezeki nanti pun de-double jugak?

wow..

Ameeeennn~

#randomthought

Uterine Didelphys

Assalamualaikum

So a week after the HSG test, wasmy appointment kat klinik O&G tu..Walaupun dah tahu keadaan blockage kat tube kanan, so expecting to discuss la apa options yang boleh buat kan.

Turn outtttt different thing was discovered!

Doc buat inside scan dan vaginal exam, then he said that "oh u seems to have 2 uteruses!" And my mind say "what?!"

Then ada 2nd doc, doc perempuan pulak..dia pun buat VE jugak sebab dia kata "bukan selalu jumpa ni.." and yes, she confirm it. Not just 2 uteruses, but with 2 vaginas too! (oh i do not know how they can tell by just inserting 2 fingers tu..)

Then the Doc tell us, that what is my condition is call "Uterine Didelphys". He draw it and it seems that I have 2 uteruses, 2 vaginas and 1 tube connected to each ovaries at each side. Kira 1 uterus, 1 tube dan ovary kiri kanan.

mine is like the left one....

Yeah, previously Doc dulu ada bagitahu i was suspected with it, that's why he wants me to do the HSG. But i do not expect that IT IS REAL!

So the doc tell us, maybe with this condition, my best option to get pregnant is by IUI or IVF...huuu..sigh sekejap mengenangkan kos IVF tu..and now, from last HSG told us that my left tube is clear while right is block, so MAYBE masa buat tu HSG catheter was manage to go to my left uterus, tak masuk ke kanan..thats why the dye only shows left side.

AND NOWWW....doc said i need to o HSG againnn!!!! This time try to go to the right side to know what is the condition of the right tube. And from there, then can we start hormones injections, follicle tracking etc etc etc...

And the Doc tell us that my condition is not abnormal, not an illness or cacat..but it is a RARE condition. Maybe 1 in hundreds can be found.

Since then macam blurr kejap...I can't blame myself since it is not my fault, i was born with it..Allah made me this way. But the desire to get pregnant is too high and now knowing that i actually by hook by crook need an intervention for it which will take timeeeeeeee God knows how long..........

Dr.Wan said I kaya by having 2..hahaha...I'm special i guess............


Cuma mampu memohon petunjuk Allah, hikmah aku di jadikan begini...hikmah DIA mencipta ku keadaan ini...hikmah..hikmah...hikmah yang tersembunyi..hikmah yang baik..harap ia tidak menyulitkan, malah membawa kebaikan pada kami...